Dear Abby: Wife chooses gambling over marriage

Dear Abby The woman I ve been married to for the last years is spending her time away from home She isn t seeing another man or hanging out in bars She leaves at any time of the day and goes to the casino She also plays online throughout the day or evening She stays out all night until sometimes or o clock the next morning I have tried talking to her calmly and I ve tried the angry way too I ve gotten nowhere about this issue I believe she s being disrespectful which will lead to the end of our marriage How can I get through to her that what she s doing isn t good for our relationship I m very close to saying Enough and it s time for us to go our separate avenues Frustrated in Michigan Dear Frustrated If what your wife is doing affects the financial stability of your marriage you absolutely have to draw the line From your description of her sessions your wife is addicted to the rush she gets from gambling Suggest that she join Gamblers Anonymous for help and you should explore a backing group called Gam-Anon for yourself However if that doesn t help consult an attorney and tell your wife that if she doesn t seek help you will be forced to separate your finances even if it means ending the marriage Dear Abby My sister has stopped communicating with my parents and me However she still maintains contact with members of our extended family What s strange is that none of us is sure what we did to cause this We have inquired her to share her side of the story but her reasons keep changing Sometimes she says it s because I m spoiled and get everything other times it s because Mom didn t praise her enough As for Dad we re not sure why she s upset with him He s a quiet person who mostly keeps to himself At first I didn t let this bother me much but as time goes on I m starting to feel really upset Our parents are getting older and could use particular patronage or at least a friendly conversation Do you think I ll ever be able to let go of my anger or will it linger until my parents are no longer with us Baffled Brother in New Mexico Dear Brother Accept that you can t change your sister After your parents are gone and it is too late to make amends your sister may feel guilty for her unwillingness to mend fences with them over their perceived slights Family counseling might facilitate selected healing but only if everyone is willing to participate As to your anger over your sister s behavior it may take a session or two with a licensed psychotherapist to move beyond it In the meantime do the best you can to ensure that your parents know you love them and are grateful for all they have done for you Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA